Contact. Wait out. #71. Spiked.

Contact. Wait out. #71. Spiked.

There's no story for this one. Just a friendly reminder. Keep your eyes open when you're out on the town. Don't leave your drink unattended, and remember, the CDT team always drop in unannounced.

British Army to Introduce Sniffer Donkeys

British soldiers, weighed down with bulky metal detecting kit, have been a common sight in the warzones of the world for the last ten or so years. The resurgence of booby traps and mines has become the number one cause of casualties among coalition troops and efforts to mitigate the threat have become a military preoccupation for commanders and planners.

Due to a recent campaign by the RSPCA, dogs are being withdrawn from combat duties due to their not having a choice about being put in danger. Activists have successfully lobbied parliament into banning their use for explosive detection but MOD officials have come up with a work-around. From early 2016, the Royal Veterinary Corps will introduce the first of four new sections of sniffer donkeys to active service.

The Working Donkey Regiment will implement the animals into the new 105 Squadron, based at North Luffenham, and it will work alongside the regular 1 MWD unit. Both units will be set up as part of the British Army’s basing plan under FR 2020. Local infrastructure is already geared towards supporting the new unit as North Luffenham boasts the country’s leading equidae cognitive management and research centre and the units will be close to the Defence Animal Centre at Melton Mowbray.

Secretary of Defence, Michael Fallon, told press that “the need for a new approach to non-destructive explosive inspection was needed due to the government’s determined effort to remove dogs from front line jobs by the end of 2015”. He also stated that “future efforts to train and implement alternative species into the British Army shows real ambition on the part of the Ministry of Defense.”

The MWD units headed for North Luffenham have already begun training. 12 donkeys, imported from Spain, have all cleared immigration under EU pet passport regulations and they have already been seen training in Eastmere Village in Thetford. Eastmere Village is the location of the British Army’s state of the art Afghan Village complex which is the envy of military nations all over the world.

25 Signs That You May Have Joined The RMP

Your world is full of people that won’t look you in the eye. You’re starting to sprout hair and you have a fondness for long, phallic, yellow fruit. Is there something they forgot to tell you in the careers office? Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re starting to wonder if you’re even popular. Don’t worry. It may all be just a bad dream. Simply check against this list and determine whether you have been duped into joining the Royal Military Police.

If you can spend a whole day cutting around camp and have nobody speak to you, you may have joined the RMP.

If God gave you a bright red beret, so that normal people can spot it, and get a head start at avoiding you, you may have joined the RMP.

If you look forward to a long civilian police career of picking retired squaddies out of shop doorways at Christmas time, you may have joined the RMP.

If scored highly on your BARB/Airman test, but still don’t have the common sense to wire a plug correctly, you may have joined the RMP.

If you go to work in the morning, excited about using your detective work to find out who stole who’s push bike, you may have joined the RMP.

If MPGS or SBA Police are better respected and better armed than you are, you may have joined the RMP.

If you often find yourself drinking in bars alone, and eating in cook houses alone, and enjoying common areas alone, you may have joined the RMP.

If you spend all your time on general police duties, just dreaming of the day that you can apply for a close protection course, you may have joined the RMP.

If you are jealous about how infantry soldiers are getting all the Gucci CP jobs anyway, you may have joined the RMP.

If you secretly look forward to the moment that you can arrest a member of a rival service, you may have joined the RMP.

If you use your red beret as an excuse to slide on up to pads wives, after their other halves have battered them, you may have joined the RMP.

If you go home after a long day of paperwork, on camp speeding vigilance, and bicycle theft, and batter your other half, you may have joined the RMP.

If you specialised in the SIB, but spend most of your time interviewing lesbians in the RLC about how they’ve been raped by the lads, you may have joined the RMP.

If you have started to develop hair all over your body, your ears have begun to grow to 5 times their normal size, you seem to enjoy swinging through the trees, and you now have a tail, you may have joined the RMP.

If you are allowed to handle and process PWs, but are not actually allowed to interview them, you may have joined the RMP.

If you live in constant fear that your next posting will be JSPSU Falklands, you may have joined the RMP.

If you have very little awareness about just how much you are hated by the rest of the military, you may have joined the RMP.

If you face adversity in your job, and feel as though you need to talk in overly legalistic terms instead of developing a rapport with somebody in order to resolve an issue, you may have joined the RMP.

If you have an instinctive distrust of Jocks, Geordies, Cockneys, Scousers, Mancunians, and the infantry, you may have joined the RMP.

If personality tests determine that you would be an ideal referee/traffic warden/call centre operative/debt collector/door supervisor, you may have joined the RMP.

If you have ever been pointed in the direction of the bananas in the cook house, you may have joined the RMP.

If you spend whole mornings sitting just down the road from the main gates, zapping your own peers with a speed camera, you may have joined the RMP.

If any service person in dire straits would rather go for a real copper for help, you may have joined the RMP.

If have become adept at preparing “creative” evidence for court martials, you may have joined the RMP.

If your high psychometric, numeracy, literacy, and trade specific training courses have given you enough savvy to realise that this list is tongue in cheek, you may have joined the RMP.