25 Ways You Can Be Jack

The military is well known for all the acronyms, mnemonics, abbreviations, and the slang that it uses. The chances are that if you come across soldiers, sailors, or airmen chatting, you might not understand every word that they use. One prime example is the army’s use of the word “Jack”. It is a word that can be heard every day, on every British Army base in the world. Its meaning is universal, and if it is used in all seriousness, it is a major insult.

If you’re Jack, you’re lazy, you’re not a team player, you’re a shirker, you’re out for yourself, you’re selfish, and you’re going to get the brunt of almost every unpleasant insult in the book. It isn’t a nice thing to be called at all. Nobody wants to be thought of as being Jack. Of course, the army is a little odd when it comes to such terms. Jack is often used as a term of banter.

Confused? To put it into simpler terms, here are 25 ways you can be Jack.

If you make a brew, but don’t make anyone else a brew, that’s a Jack brew. If you do that, you’re Jack.

If block jobs are being handed out and you’ve vanished, only to return when everyone has been detailed, you’re Jack.

If your mates are loading kit onto transport, and you’re standing by with your thumb up your backside, you’re Jack.

If your fitness isn’t up to scratch, and you hop on the Biff Wagon for a ride back to camp, you’re Jack.

If you’re on a sports team, and the rest of the lads are on guard, you might be Jack.

If you knock off early, while everybody else is still working, you’re Jack.

If you sit there polishing your gas parts for an hour, while Pte. F**k-Knuckles is nursing a gopping rifle, you’re Jack.

If you’re mincing around the corridors with a clipboard with nothing on it, while everyone else is sat in some bone lesson, you’re Jack.

If you’ve got rank, and you’re first in the cookhouse queue, you’re Jack.

If you’ve got a lot of rank, and you’re not last in the cookhouse queue, you’re Jack.

If your mates are on some minging gate stag, and you don’t take them a brew, you’re Jack.

If your Platoon Commander gives the lads the option do ditch their webbing while cutting around the harbour area, and you tell him they should be in full kit at all times, you’re Jack.

If you’re reading all these examples, and you think they’re all reasonable things to do, you’re Jack.

If “what happens on tour, stays on tour” doesn’t, because you can’t keep your mouth shut, you’re Jack.

If you somehow manage to get out of stagging on, for any non-legitimate reason, you’re Jack.

If you personally get given a job, and you go and spam somebody else with it because you can’t be bothered, you’re Jack.

If you walk into the block, at any time, having bought only yourself a McDonald’s, you’re Jack.

If you stitch up your mates, in any way, shape, or form, you’re Jack.

If a job needs doing, and volunteers have been asked for but you sit on you fat backside, you’re Jack.

If you’re on a freezing cold exercise, and you’re in a wagon with the heating up high, you’re Jack.

If they’re giving out Gucci kit, and you disappear it all into your own kit without sharing, you’re Jack.

If you sit there and watch somebody getting bullied, whether you like them or not, you’re Jack.

If you grass your mates up for something, when you could have dealt with it yourself, you’re Jack.

If you’ve ever pointed at your rank slide to win an argument, or uttered the words “Rock, Paper, Rank Slide”, you’re Jack.

If everybody is at the O group, and you’re still in your scratcher getting your gonk on, you’re probably Jack.

Feel free to add your own. Sharing is caring and I’m sure you have some great examples.