What They Don't Tell You in the Army Careers Office.

What They Don't Tell You in the Army Careers Office.

If you're considering a career in the British Army, you might think that you'll be stuck with a job that doesn't have much use outside of the service. You'd be mistaken. There are plenty of things that they don't tell you in the Army Careers Office.

You’ll Learn Another Language.
That’s right, it won’t be long until the banter with your muckers will be mint, as you basha up, and snuggle into your scratcher after a night nav ex up Brecon. Back in the block, you’ll talk about which females you’d love to smash, while waiting for your dhobi to finish, and before giving some turbo mong a regi shower for being a gipping lizard.
Army linguists get extra pay for being fluent in another language. Ask your careers advisor about qualifying for that extra pay now!

All Pouches and Pockets will be Utilized.
Impress your civilian friends by having useful and relevant things stored in your wallet pockets and pouches. When you open your wallet, you’ll have your driving licence, your paper counterpart, your FMT, your MOD90, your EHIC, your forces discount card, your Army Sports Lottery card, your ration card, and even your “Every Man a Recruiter” collection of regimental business cards. You won’t ever be at a loss for what to store in all those compartments again. Not everyone can boast that their personal admin is as squared away as yours. You’re in the British Army. You’re the best!

Your 10% will always be Exactly What the Doctor Ordered.
The next time that you go hill walking, you’ll be the hero of the moment when somebody gets a blister, gets tired from walking at an angle, and needs to sit down for a rest. Not many people will carry zinc oxide tape, 3 litres of spare water, high energy Haribo snacks, spare socks, waterproofs, extra warm kit, a compass, cyalumes, a multitool, a torch, spare batteries, arc markers, spare mags, a foam seat, and a bandolier of 200 rounds. Mortals will marvel as you switch from a fleece to a waterproof jacket when it rains suddenly, and they’ll be knocked down with a feather when you tell them that you’re taking all your warm kit off before you start walking!

Your Communication Skills will Flourish.
Remember when you left school and you couldn’t look a person in the eye? Well, after joining the British Army, you’ll be able to stand up tall and take a graphically violent verbal rebuke like a man. You won’t flinch as you are bombarded with coffee breath and fragments of a full English breakfast. No matter what is said about your wife, girlfriend, sister, or mother, you’ll keep facing your aggressor and you’ll stay cool, calm, and collected. Later in your career, you’ll be able to polish all of the personal insults that you have ever received and shape them into handy torrents of abuse that can be poured over unsuspecting junior members of your craft. If you have an inferiority complex, you’ll always have a captive audience to take it out on.

You’ll have Skills for Life.
How many times have you heard your bank manager ask for a fully trained mortar man to flatten the council estate down the road? Well, once you’ve qualified, you’ll be trained on the most deadly weapons systems on the planet. Who wouldn’t want skills like these in Civvy Street? The next time that the local butcher wants pheasant, killed by automatic weapons fire and grenades, you’ll be the guy he employs. Remember to tell any future employer that you have skills in shouting, need NAAFI breaks every morning at 1000 hrs, cannot work for women, and that your drink problem could well lead you to come to work drunk on a regular basis.

If you have any questions about a career in the Armed Forces, don't hesitate to ask.