Falklands anyone?

We spotted this video, posted by Oliver Rowe, and figured we'd share it with you. Some guys have had a better Christmas than others. Fill your boots.

#CWO #FalklandsNotMalvinas #Winning

Falkland Islands
Posted by Oliver Rowe on Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Contact. Wait out. #53. Issue Boots.

Contact. Wait out. #53. Issue Boots.

It seems very evident that some people really get on well with the issue boots. It has always been this way. There are some lucky folks with feet made of steel. For the rest of us, issue boots can be almost unbearable. I don't want to go into too much detail as to why I hate my boots because you can see that on the Facebook page but let it be understood that the best pair of boots I ever wore for work were not given to me through the system.

I remember when the poster came around offering us a choice of several different styles and types. It was as if we would get to choose the boot that most suited us. Of course, that was wishful thinking and I should have known better. Of the 12 or so styles, advertised internally, I think I've seen two. Seriously, why on earth would the army let me choose which boots I wanted to wear? That makes way too much sense.

Anyway, this strip is for all those people that have been crippled by wearing issued boots. Enjoy.

Contact. Wait out. #52. Queen's Regs.

Contact. Wait out. #52. Queen's Regs.

Queen's Regs is a shortened term for Queen's Regulations. It is the bible for serving personnel in the army and it has plenty of policy from dress, to leave, to discipline. If you have a question on the do's and don'ts in the British Army, Queen's Regs is where to go.

It is all well and good having a grasp on what is included in the monster document, but I wouldn't recommend quoting it when you're getting the good news from an NCO. There's a very good chance that you'll be right, but there's an equal chance that you're just going to make the situation worse. You have to remember, the boss isn't always right but he's always the boss.

Thankfully, for those of us with rank, there are plenty of ways to catch people out. Sure, you might quote the book at me but I can just turn to conduct unbecoming or get you with the service test. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

That's if I was a douche. Luckily, I'm cool as...

Contact. Wait out. Quiz. Walt Checker!

Want to figure out if somebody that you know is a Walt? Maybe you're a Walt and you don't realise it. Use the Walt Check 5000 to find out the truth.

Please note that the quiz may take a few seconds to load...

Don't forget to share.

Contact. Wait out. #51. Education.

Contact. Wait out. #51. Education.

This is a take on the popular Batman and Robin meme that can be found all over the Internet. There's a great opportunity for other people to use this picture and make their own memes from it.

Here I've given it a Remembrance Day theme. It is aimed at those folks that claim that they don't need to buy a poppy. Sure, you don't need to buy a poppy but you should. Whether you agree with war or not, whether you agree with your country's foreign policy or not. The poppy is for the people that are no longer with us through war and for those that continue to suffer from war. Your wearing it signifies your understanding of the human struggle against conflict that is in all of us.

Obviously, all that wouldn't fit in the meme.

Feel free to share this and show your support for the appeal. Don't forget that you can donate directly from the Contact. Wait out. main page. Just scroll down the page and click on the big banner ad.

Quiz! How Many F**Ks Were Given?

Here's a bit of fun. Take the quiz and find out just how many f**ks you really give. You reckon you are a cool cat or a stinking hippy? Well, this will let you know.

Please note that the quiz may take a few seconds to load...

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Contact. Wait Out. #50. Commonwealth II.

Contact. Wait Out. #50. Commonwealth II.

I was working away one time and we had a few commonwealth soldiers with us. The Gurkhas were an interesting bunch, they once sat in on a quiz that was full of deep British culture, and they attempted to answer the questions even though they had no idea what was going on. I was impressed by their willingness to get involved for a laugh.

The Fijians were a rowdy bunch that tended to keep to themselves. In a similar story to that in the sketch, I once walked into the a little common room that we all shared and asked a big Fijian if he could come and clean out some Landrovers. He just looked at me, said "No", and then went back to chatting with his mates.

I only found out after that the reason he said no was because I had pointed at him. Apparently, that is rude in their culture. Once he got to know me, he was ok, but it didn't help get the Landrovers clean that day.

There are a lot of different cultures in the British Army. So many that understanding them all would take ages, but we all still manage to get along. I believe that it is yet another reason that our army is as good as it is. Everyone brings something different to the party.

Contact. Wait out. #49. Equal Opportunities.

Contact. Wait out. #49. Equal Opportunities.

I have to give credit to Matt on this one. He was on exercise and saw some DS gripping somebody about wearing a softy top. It may have been Matt that got gripped, I don't remember, but he came out with a quality hindsight idea.

Just imagine that he'd turned super camp when the DS kicked off and come out with some amorous advances. It'd surely stop him in his tracks. I mean, what do you say if somebody comes out with something like that?

It didn't happen that way but I kind of wish that it had.

Contact. Wait out. #48. Investments.

Contact. Wait out. #48. Investments.

As many of you will be aware, I have been away for a bit, so this issue of #CWO is a bit late. I can't say I enjoyed my time on exercise but it has given me plenty of ideas for new sketches.

Anyway, this edition of "Contact. Wait out." talks about the hideous practice of swamping that is present in our armed forces, and I'd hazard to guess, almost all armed forces in the world. Swamping is when a soldier wets the bed after being out on the sauce. That is to say that he can't hold his booze and pees himself like a 5 year old child.

Thankfully, I've never been so drunk that I've done it but I have seen it a few times. Most memorable was when two colleagues of mine came in to the block drunk and spooned in their underwear. One of them woke up and stood over an innocent guy, sleeping softly, before urinating all over him. We could hear the flow and the shouting from the guy when he realised what was happening, but by the time the lights were flicked on, the offender was back to spooning.

The drunkard woke just after everyone else had got up and dressed and then started to shout at everybody because his bedding had been swamped. A mate of mine picked up his sleeping bag, soaked in urine, and slapped him round the face with it.

Later, in a huge, packed briefing room, the Commanding Officer made reference to the incident and the whole room bellowed with laughter. It was sweet.

P.S. Thanks Dave.

Contact. Wait out. #47. Wargames.

Contact. Wait out. #47. Wargames.

Some of you may see this strip and think that there's some sort of satirical message behind it. Well, there's not. There might be a small snipe at the way military contracts are given out, and how they're crooked, but I have literally no evidence of that so forget I mentioned it.

More notable is the inclusion of fantasy figurines. I got asked to include them in some way and having Generals playing with them seemed fun. There you have it.

I'm about to go away for a bit so there'll be a gap between now and the next strip. Apologies.