If you ever find yourself staring into space, and wondering where it all went wrong, you might want to think back to the day that you walked into the careers office. There is a good chance that the friendly staff that greeted you had plans other than those you had for yourself. After explaining all the different roles within the British Army, you were probably confused, and they could well have tricked you into making a dodgy choice. Not to worry. Just read through the following 25 points and figure out if you are in the infantry or if you have simply ended up being sectioned under the mental health act.
If you constantly feel the need to show people how much of a man you are, you may have joined the infantry.
If the thought of taking orders from a woman makes you come out in a cold sweat, you may have joined the infantry.
If you believe you are “The Best”, but speak in monosyllabic sentences, and have trouble spelling multisyllabic words, you may have joined the infantry.
If you have no idea what the previous point means, you may have joined the infantry.
If you find that you are carrying more weight than everybody else, and none of the equipment actually belongs to you, you may have joined the infantry.
If you find that you have an inability to point at somebody without doing a chopping motion, you may have joined the infantry.
If you have carnal knowledge of exactly the same women as 90% of the men that you work with, you may have joined the infantry.
If said women are barely recognisable as women, but you freely admit to carnal knowledge anyway, you may have joined the infantry.
If you have come into physical contact with more than one other man’s urine on a party night, you may have joined the infantry.
If you refer to anybody more academically advanced then you as either a “Sir”, or a “REMF”, or a "POG", you may have joined the infantry.
If you have problems with the sentence “Yes Ma’am.” Or “No Ma’am.”, you may have joined the infantry.
If you find yourself moaning about absolutely everything, even things that are completely out of your control, you may have joined the infantry.
If you believe that calling anybody with sergeant stripes and a crown “Colour”, just in case, is an invaluable survival tool, you may have joined the infantry.
If you are on exercise, and find that you have no room for a flask of "cofftea" in your webbing because of hand grenades and smoke grenades, you may have joined the infantry.
If you still believe that you are “The Best”, despite the previous 14 points, you may have joined the infantry.
If your careers advisor looked at your ASVAB or BARB test score, and suggested infantry or infantry, you may have joined the infantry.
If you look at other cap badges’ career courses, and kid yourself that yours are harder because of more beasting or hazing, you may have joined the infantry.
If you
wish that your career courses were as easy as other cap badges’, due to less beasting or hazing, you may have joined the infantry.
If you find yourself following the “Fight Light” principle, by carrying less of your own stuff and more of the army’s, you may have joined the infantry.
If you overtly believe that POG/REMF Lance Corporals and Corporals are only equivalent to infantry Toms and Senior Toms, you may have joined the infantry.
If a luxury item on exercise, for you, is something like a Jet Boil or a second bag of Haribo, you may have joined the infantry.
If sole mission on ops is to break the rules of shaving, dress, and to abuse the REMF chain of command, you may have joined the infantry.
If you have trouble maintaining solid, working relationships with partners and family members, because of your drink problem, you may have joined the infantry.
If you like to tell anybody, that will listen, just how much you hate every other corps regiment in the British Army; you may have joined the infantry.
If you secretly wish that you could transfer to any other corps regiment in the British Army, you may have joined the infantry.
