Contact. Wait out. #34. Never Trust a Skinny Chef.

Contact. Wait out. #34. Never Trust a Skinny Chef.

Let's get one thing clear from the start. I know that not all RLC chefs at fat arses. I know many of them are normal blokes and normal girls. That doesn't make for good humour though. Stereotypes are fun and that's why I'm happy to rip on the RLC in general.

These fat lads are drawing weapons from the armoury and the poor armourer has to deal with their REMF comments, and no doubt, he'll have to sweep away the biscuit crumbs and pick up the coke cans after they've left. You can almost guarantee that a chef would choose an ACMT over a PFA any day of the week. You have to wonder whether their stores are larger than average due to their having to store all the max size uniforms. Jabba jabba jabba jabba.

Got some return fire? Bring it on.

Contact. Wait out. #25. Trimble.

Contact. Wait out. #25. Trimble.

In military vehicles you'll find a little box on the dash with three lights on it. This is the Trimble device which is designed to make any driving duty a pain in the arse. If the light is green it means that you are successful at driving like a Sunday driver. You accelerate slowly, thus forcing other traffic to swerve around you as you enter dual carriageways and motorways, you take corners carefully, which means going around roundabouts at a snail's pace, and you drive exactly to the speed limit, building up a massive queue of traffic as you go through tiny villages on A roads that have random 30 mph limits.

Basically, the Trimble pisses you, and all those around you, right off. It is supposed to make you drive safely but it is so sensitive that you're always keeping an eye on it. Even the most random of movements can set the thing off. (I once had one go red because a guy leant into the driver’s side window, to talk to me, while stationary.) This sensitivity means that you're always waiting for the thing to jump to red and send a report back to MT.

The MT report guarantees a bollocking. Damn I hate Trimble.